With Benin men, d situation is extremely extreme, they not only cheat, they make lots of babies outside too, then eventually bring d woman into the home. Stats prove dt 80% of Benin men have either a baby mama somewhere or have another extra wifey outside or a gf that pple know even more than the wifey at home.
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Responses:
- Permalink Reply by UYIGUE UYI on September 3, 2009 at 1:17pm
MY SISTER YOUR QUESTION IS BEAUTIFUL YET COMPELLING.ONE MUST BE GENDER INSENSITIVE TO BE ABLE TO COME OUT OF THE SHELL OF GENDER EGO.
SO MANY EXPERTS, OVER THE YEARS HAS ATTEMPTED TO CRACK THIS CASE OF MAN'S INSATIABLE URGE FOR SEX BUT TO NO AVAIL.BELLOW ARE SOME ATTEMPTS BY EXPERTS;
1_The womans sex drive isn't what it was when you first got married
2_Having sex with multiple partners is an ego boost for those with low self-esteem
3_Men need to feel desired and their partners does not fulfill that need.
4_Men crave for initial excitement and illicitness of a "secret" affair.
5_They no longer feel satisfied or stimulated in their current relationship
6_Men always want the easy way out so they venture into something that has "no strings"
7_Their spouse may not want to perform the sexual activity the man want to experiment.
8_YOU HAVE NO OLD BAGGAGE WITH SOMEONE NEW.
9_Most women push their partner out to the warm embrace of other women who are ready and willing to treat him like the man he is.
10_A man's social circle could influence him into cheating on his wife.
11_ most men cheat on their wives just to see if they can get away with it.
12_some men cheat because they just want to cheat. "for no reason at all"
TALKING ABOUT BENIN MEN, YOU KNOW OUR TRADITION PERMITS A LOT OF THINGS. BUT THE REASON FOR THIS SOCIAL NETWORK IS TO TRY AND MARRY THE EXISTING CULTURAL VALUES WITH THE LEVEL OF GLOBAL CIVILIZATION AROUND US. WHAT IS RIGHT MIGHT NOT BE MORALLY JUSTIFIED OR ECONOMICALLY IDEAL. WHY SEEK ANOTHER WHEN ONE WOMAN IS TOO MUCH A LOAD ON ONE'S BACK? I WILL WRITE MORE ON THIS TOPIC AND MAYBE PROFESS A SOLUTION TO THE PROBLEM LATER
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Permalink Reply by susan elema - My dear, based on tradition and belief of the ancient benin kingdom, 'bini men' are entitled to have as many wives as possible if they well please, particularly the royals. we cant change that. On the other hand, if he embraces chritainity, he is not allowed to have more than one wife. Besides, if he has the fear of God and loves his wife, he would not dare to cheat, not to talk of bringing in another woman into his matrimonial home. So, ladies beware!
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Permalink Reply by UYIGUE UYI
Good talk and well delivered,you sure know how to make an entry. no doubt you are a princess from the Elema palace. welcome home my sister
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Permalink Reply by Eghe Ruth Eweka on September 5, 2009 at 8:15am
Hmmmm....I walked out on a 6 year relationship after he cheated on me. There are a number of reasons why women will stay with a cheat. It could be because they are afraid of being alone. They may have low self esteem and a lack of confidence and feel that a cheating man is better than no man at all. Some will stay for the sake of the children.There are also women that will stay, simply because they have nowhere to go and do not have the means, be it educational or financial, to manage outside of the marriage. There has to come a point when a woman has to ask herself....Do I not deserve to be happy? Do I not deserve respect? Do I not deserve to be with a man who is as faithful to me as I am to him? Memories can be made with a new partner. In the end, once the trust is gone, the love, understanding and respect usually follows it out the door and when that happens, what is the point of being in the relationship?? Anyone that will go and have unprotected sex outside of the marital home is exposing thier spouse to a mountain of disease and for what? To satisfy thier own selfish needs?
The way I see it, any relationship is only as strong as it's weakest partner....it takes a STRONG man to stay faithful, to stick to the vows he made on his wedding day, no matter what. The same goes for the women, women cheat too. Cheating is the easy way out at the time but it causes too many complications when it's discovered.
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Reply by Itohan Christine- Very true. The current generation of women mainly stay for the kids,its in the past that women had the fear of being alone. I totally agree that there has to be like a crunch realisation point where the woman says enuf is enuf and i deserve to be with a man who will be faithful to me too.
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Permalink Reply by pkataky on September
Being single as I am i would have wanted not to speak on this,But being a a man naturally and a BINI MAN at that it has become very important that I throw in my piece on this issue.Now it is very important that we understand that it is natural for everyman to lust after any pretty woman that walks past them and also due to the fact that nature has created the BINI MAN as he is which is Poligamous in nature he tends to have numerus relationship,and due to the Dynamism of the society today no man wants to openly marry more than one wife hence it is common to see a man with a wife at home and a cuncubine outside the home,It is important to note here that were it not for the society we have found ourselves in today it would have been seen as wealth and an evidence of prosperity, for that man that has about two wives and a couple of others outside matrimony.so it can be deduced that The BINI MAN naturally has that libido of excessive lust of nature.
Now I would not want it to be seen that I am a supporter of such an act but i want us not to forget our roots because that is the basic of this network ( EDO N MOSE ), Our tradition has placed the man in a position of having many wives so it can no longer be looked at as an issue that "The dog has bitten a man,what forms news now is that man has bitten the dog"and as we all know, we pray against the latter every otherday,so my dear sister try and see reason with me here.If i may ask, it looks to me that the creator of this topic has been a victim of recent heart traumatization due to the Natural Infidelity of a BINI MAN,Hence the specific particularization on the issue of the BINI MAN'S infidelity.
As a true believer in ONE MAN ONE WIFE,Which i am a product of i think so much depends on the Woman and man, to be able to remain faithful to each other and for this to happen and to avoid broken marraiges which we find today most common in our society i would want to emphasize and borrow the below tips of what a long lasting relationship entails from a friend,please My lovely "Oten" that is the originator of this piece on the infidelity of men,Your comment would be greatly appreciated after going through my piece.True talk it takes a very strong man to remain faithful but i do think to be faithful takes much more than being a strong man
which i will explain below,my sista walking out of every relationship is not the best,My father has always told me since i was a kid to learn to tackle every problem that comes my way becasue if I hide under the guise of walking away i will never learn to cross that point as everytime i will have to encouter that problem or similar type and if i cannot learn to handle it then i will keep drawing back each time it is that time to tackle my issues and that way growth is hampered,I assure you that this is an interesting read for those who are single and hoping.... and also for those who are married to rekindle their marriage.
Golden rules for finding your life partner by Dov Heller, M.A
When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50%, it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr. /Miss. Right!
If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married, they'll say: "We're in love". I believe this is the #1 mistake people make when they date. Choosing a life partner should never be based on love.
Though this may sound "not politically correct", there's a profound truth here. Love is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right,
then the love will come. Let me say it again: "You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone". You need a lot more!!!
Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about finding and keeping a life partner.
QUESTION 1: Do we share a common life purpose?
Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog
together? You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose.
Two things can happen in a marriage:
(1) You can grow together, or
(2) You can grow apart.
50% of the people out there are growing apart. To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life! Bottom line; and marry someone who wants the same thing.
QUESTION 2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?
This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust - i.e. trust that I won't get "punished"; or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.
QUESTION 3: Is he/she a mensch?
A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you test? Here are some suggestions. Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis? Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacher of mine defines a good person as "someone who is always striving to be good and do the right ".So ask your significant other what do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic? Usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement.
There are essentially two types of people in the world:
(1) People who are dedicated to personal growth, and
(2) People who are dedicated to seeking comfort ( hugging their comfort zone)
Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know that before walking down the aisle.
QUESTION 4: How does he/she treat other people?
The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure.
Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves and self-absorbed? To measure this, think about the following:
• How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc.
• How do they treat their parents and siblings?
• Do they have gratitude and appreciation? If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them everything; can you do nearly as much for them? You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly will eventually treat you poorly as well.
QUESTION 5: Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married?
Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to "improve" them after they're married. As a colleague of mine puts it, "You can probably expect someone to change after marriage for the worse". If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them.
In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating; so be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues. Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don't want to find yourself in trouble because you didn't do your homework.
Another perspective....
There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a distance....
It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of or at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not-going anywhere relationships. Observe the relationships around you.
Pay attention....Which ones lift and which ones lean? Which ones encourage and which ones discourage? Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill? When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse? Which ones always have drama or don't really understand, know, or appreciate you?
The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you...the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of
your life.
An African proverb states, "Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye". Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust, pity, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults
aren't really that important.
Do you bring out the best in each other? Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare and control? What do you bring to the relationship? Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain?
You can't take someone to the altar to alter them. You can't make someone love you or make someone stay.
If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and "a life"; you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain. Seeking status, sex, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship.
WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG ARE:
1. TRUST
2. COMMUNICATION
3. INTIMACY
4. A SENSE OF HUMOR
5. SHARING TASKS
6. SOME GETAWAY TIME WITHOUT BUSINESS OR CHILDREN
7. DAILY EXCHANGES (meal, shared activity, hug, call, touch, notes)
8. SHARING COMMON GOALS AND INTERESTS
9. GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING INSECURE
10. GIVING EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING AND ASSURANCES OF COMMITMENT
Above all, be very conscious of what God is saying or has to say about your relationship before you say " Yes I do!"
If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment withdrawal, abuse, neglect, and dishonesty; and pain will replace it.
Happiness keeps You Sweet,
Trials keep You Strong,
Sorrows keep You Human,
Failures keep You Humble,
Success keeps You Glowing,
but..........Only faith keeps You Going!
"In search for me, I discovered truth. In search for truth, I discovered love and in search for love, I discovered faith. In faith, I have found everything." "Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goals."
"Pure love and suspicion cannot dwell together: at the door where the latter enters, the former makes its exit." Alexandre Dumas
Just Maybe when Us BINIS learn to consider the above we might not just have any relationshp problem,I can bet you that I have seen relationships that have lasted 3 scores and we are still counting.
Hit me back!
Truely Yours.
PKATAKY.
If u ask me i go say bini men to randy!! lol.
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Permalink Reply by Itohan Christine
Replying to the early part of your post,infidelity or cheating is not a fun thing at all for both parties involved especially if they are already married and not just dating... Stating that it is a bening man's root inclined destiny to have more than one wife ...is simply not cool.
Should we be subject to our roots or should our roots be subject to how much we have evolved as a people?
The Bini's are definitely a great people and basically spread all over the world.
The reason i actually posted this here is simply to encourage the men to change and not subject their wives to the same treatment that their dads subjected their moms to... Our culture is so rich and vibrant but the fact that our men are known to be naturally polygamous in nature is so not cool...
Permalink Reply by pkataky on September 8, 2009 at 10:39am
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The Dynamism of the world itself does not encourage having more than one wife,so everyman tries as ,much as possible to avoid a situation where they find themselves inbetween two woman,If you check it very well you will find out that the latter part of my initial post ( Golden rules for finding your life partner )explains a lot.
If a man have a woman that understands him so much and they both feel each other frankly there would not be a need to begin to lot for sex or comfort elsewhere,I would advice that you go through my post again it explains so much and I would mos def agree with you on your reply to another sister that permit me to borrow your quote"maybe the ladies should stop accepting the offers and maybe this will help curb their excesses",But in curbing this excesses women has a great role to play here now according to Uyigue in his post he stated that most girls in benin today prefer to date married men, I agree with him on this as they feel it is most convinient for the and frankly my sista most of these girls go all out to entice these men with various strategies and you know as much as i do that even an enuch or a monk would fall when you woman make up your mind to do IT with him,So i would say here that the ladies should stop enticing the men to give offers.
I am realy loving your bit,you sure know what your saying am glad your on EDO N MOSE.keep em coming sister.
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Permalink Reply by eguaoje amanda
All men are born CHEAT,but a Bini man will always be a Bini man.They enjoy extra marital affair more than their marriages maybe its because they never married women that they truly love.It is a sad situation but i think if our single girls out there can stop accepting their offer our society will become a better place for all of us.I appreciate dis contribution from my sister Itohan.
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Permalink Reply by Itohan Christine
Yeah...true, maybe the ladies should stop accepting the offers and maybe this will help curb their excesses....
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Permalink Reply by UYIGUE UYI
Do they really do it for money? stats shows that young ladies of today prefer dating a married man as against a non-.... they call it "a know thy truth" relationship. in this unholy union,the fear of deceit is not there both party know their stand. NO FUTURE JUST FUN. But mistakes do happen and then the future becomes uncertain for both parties. the question of.. should WE keep it or flush it. there is already a WE
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Permalink Reply by pkataky- I will not agree with you that all men are BORN CHEAT,Please kindly read my previouse post on this issue and take particular note on the write up under Golden rules for finding your life partner.
Men can stick to one woman,it just takes understanding and compactibility on both part,Some men die to close from work to come home to their wives while others are glad to have any oppurtunity to be away from home,If a man of the latter type i mentioned above finds another woman's lap to rest his worries what becomes of his marraige?Please in an issue like this we do not need to come to a hasty conclusion,Both Partners has so big a role to play for marraige to be SWEET.I hope you follow. - --------------------------------------
- It is true that any man can cheat and it is true that that it takes 2, women can cheat too....but on the flip side, I say this...
- I AM A HUMAN BEING FIRST, A WOMAN SECOND AND EVERYTHING ELSE COMES AFTER THAT.
If I click with a man and I find out that there is a wife/girlfriend, he's out. I was raised with morals and I will not inflict that on another woman or on myself. I am not second best to anyone and the way I see it, if he can cheat on his wife with me, he can cheat on me with someone else, so I stay far from married/attached men. I don't understand women that are happy to be mistresses. If I'm with somebody, I don't want to feel shame or be hidden. And the no future just for fun thing will only benefit the 2 selfish individuals who choose to go down that road.
If there are problems within your marriage, why go outside? Stay home and sort it out with your partner and if it can't be sorted, work on going your separate ways amicably.
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Permalink Reply by Itohan Christine on September 10, 2009 at 7:50am
Its true,its all about your personal choice 2 do it or not to and your level of morality.
Also, remember that if you do it 2 someone else, in future the exact same thing will be done to you.The law of karma corroborates this.
The biblical principle that you shall reap whatever you sow, as per it must come back to hunt you in one way or another so i simply advise our men to change their ways.......
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